I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You ruined the universe
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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