Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize