Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
