Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
