The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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