This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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