shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
