i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
