Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
