you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
