I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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