they need to just BURY HIM!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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