In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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