its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
