I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
