I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
