i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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