New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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