If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
