haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
