so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
