shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize