Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i think my cat just said my name.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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