i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
