is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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