would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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