Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
