forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
