i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
