4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
