If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
