D3 body, D1 cock
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
