Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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