Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
