Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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