yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
