My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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