Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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