apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
