david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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