He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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