I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
thus making me awesome and them whores
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
