Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
