Your face is a jimmy john
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
