I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
