We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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