ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
