Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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