saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
im having a threesome with these popsicles
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
