I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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