all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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