I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
