he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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