So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
