Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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