i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
