morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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