I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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