And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
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this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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