Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
