I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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