this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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