At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
