Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
