I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
