sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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