Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
