we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
