We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
