I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
