whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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