If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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